I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
