hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Randomize
