The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
