If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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