Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
