loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
