the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
