Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
