Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
