Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
