Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
