No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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