Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
