I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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