I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
