The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
