oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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