I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
