I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
