and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
