Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
