Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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