I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
