True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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