Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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