We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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