you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
