we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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