I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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