Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All the doctor said was why
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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