the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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