Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
