that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
