My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
