he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
