better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
