It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
