I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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