im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
