$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
