you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were trust falling into bushes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
