yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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