New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
