Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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