i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
