So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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