Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
