Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
