yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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