Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
