Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
