I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
