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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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