Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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