Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
