The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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